Can You Talk About Your Pleasure With Your Partner?
In my work as a Somatic Intimacy Coach, one of the most common things I hear from individuals is:
“I don’t really know how to talk about what I like in bed.”
Some aren’t even sure what they like. Others know exactly what lights them up—but feel awkward, afraid, or guilty about expressing it to a partner.
This is a more common struggle than you might think, and it’s not because you’re broken or inexperienced. It’s often because most of us were never taught how to explore our own pleasure, much less how to communicate it clearly to someone else.
Here are a few reasons this might feel difficult:
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- You didn’t grow up in an environment that talked openly about sex or pleasure.
- You’ve had past experiences where you expressed a desire and were ignored, rejected, or shamed.
- You’re in a relationship where your needs haven’t been prioritized—or maybe you’ve stopped prioritizing them yourself.
- You feel disconnected from your body, especially during intimacy, and aren’t sure how to guide someone else when you don’t feel fully in touch with yourself.
The truth is: knowing and expressing what brings you pleasure is a skill. It’s something you can learn, practice, and get support with.
A Few Reflective Questions to Consider:
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- Can you easily say “yes” to something that feels good without guilt?
- Do you feel safe saying “no” or “I’d like something different” during intimacy?
- Have you explored, without performance, what types of touch, rhythm, words, or energy feel best to you?
If any of these feel like a challenge, it’s not a personal failing. It’s a sign that your relationship with your own pleasure may need tending, support, and space to grow.
The Clinical Lens: Why This Matters
From a somatic perspective, when your nervous system is in a state of regulation (safe, open, and connected), your body is more receptive to pleasure, intimacy, and satisfaction.
However, when you feel silenced, disconnected, or unsure, your body may remain in a protective state, making it difficult to relax, receive, or stay present with sensation.
The ability to voice your desires and give real-time feedback during intimacy supports deeper trust, not only with your partner, but with your own body. This is what creates long-term satisfaction and connection.
In couples work, we often find that partners want to please each other, but they can’t do it well if they’re not given clear, honest guidance. That requires self-awareness and communication tools.
If you’re ready to:
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- Reconnect with your body and learn what you truly enjoy
- Build confidence in naming your desires and boundaries
- Create a healthier, more satisfying sexual dynamic in your relationship
I invite you to book a consultation with me. Whether you’re coming solo or with a partner, my sessions are designed to help you explore pleasure in a safe, shame-free, and educational space.
You deserve to be heard, honored, and fully met.
Let’s begin that journey together.